Zen and the Art of Rescue Missions

[lonewolfprincess]

The Shell Hogs screeched to a halt in the alley hugging the back of the Cuisine Channel Studio. Donatello slipped on his goggles and tweaked the lenses as he and the others hopped off.

“Alrighty…” He squinted beneath the red and blue lenses as he swept over the alley. “Coast is clear so far—oh, nope, wait, scratch that…”

His brothers huddled in as he pointed up. Third floor, crouched low below the windowsills on one end of the fire escape. Definitely humanoid, roughly Leo and Donnie’s size, most likely female from the track suit’s hourglass silhouette, hood pulled up over a bike helmet over a curtain of overgrown dark bangs, any remaining skin hidden under some kind of mask, maybe surgical.

“A thief…?” Leonardo squinted at the form.

“Who would try to rob the Cuisine Channel, let alone during a charity marathon slash hostage situation…?!” Michelangelo hissed. “Is nothing sacred—mphphph!”

He kept fuming into Raphael’s massive palm.

“Last thing we need is a random thief messing up—AUGH!” Raph swiftly pulled his hand away from Mikey’s face, shaking it in the air as his little brother grinned back viciously. “Did you just lick me, you little—”

The figure on the fire escape yelped at the noise, popping up in reflex before immediately crouching back down. The boys zipped into the shadows as the suspect’s head darted around the alley, frantically brandishing a… wait…

“Is that a…?” Leo tilted his head.

“Yup, frying pan.” Donnie rolled his eyes from under the goggles. “Clearly we are dealing with a master criminal—wha, hey!”

“Hmmm…” Michelangelo squinted furiously as he cranked the dials on the lenses—oh wait, way too big a zoom on that dumpster—to better take in the pan. “Cast iron, ten inch, perfectly even seasoning…” Mikey flipped the goggles to the top of his head, glaring daggers at the figure. “You’re way too beautiful to be used for evil, baby…”

“Give me those…!” Donnie hissed as he snatched the goggles back off his brother’s head. “And more importantly…” he growled as he calibrated the goggles’ fit back onto his own head, “not so much as a flicker of mystic energy. Especially not the frying pan…”

“Shhh…” Mikey patted the air between him and the very-far-off frying pan. “Don’t listen to him... You’re magical to me already…”

Leo and Raph rolled their eyes while Donnie outright facepalmed.

“So, completely ordinary human-and-or-mutant trying to break into a super crowded building with a pig mutant holding everyone hostage… with a frying pan.” Leo sighed, not sure yet if this was hilarious or just plain sad. Maybe they’d get to the funny part soon. For now… “Come on, guys, let’s go save them from their bad decisions.”



Kotori took another deep, shaky breath, hands still trembling as she turned the head of frying pan this way and that.

“Okay, okay, you can do this…” she whispered to herself. “Just… gotta break the window open… Base first, right…?” She looked between the pan and the thick plane of glass. “Wait, no…” She turned the pan horizontal again. “No, sides mean more concentrated force, better chance of breaking on the first try… but would it break all of it or just a line…? I probably won’t have time for multiple hits…—”

A calm, smarmy voice shattered her thoughts like the still-very-much-intact glass.

“Yyyeah, not to backseat B&E—”

“WAH!” Kotori jolted to her feet as if he’d screamed in her ear, gasping as the frying pan sailed out of her hands over the fire escape railing. “Nonononono!” She scrambled on top of the railing, fingers barely catching the pan’s handle, pulling it to her chest to clutch it tight like a baby. “Phew…”

But then she felt her balance shift forward and down.

“Oh god no—!”

Before she could finish yelling, a sharp yank on her hood pulled her back from the brink and the three stories of air between her and cold hard concrete.

She sighed deeply, slowly opening her eyes again. “Th-thank y—”

Her reflexive thanks died with a strangled squeak. Because she realized a. she was still suspended a foot or two above the fire escape platform, and b. the one holding her there was… a giant. Tall, broad, covered in spikes and sharp edges, the red cowl only highlighting the snaggletooth scowl on his green face.

And he wasn’t alone. Three more green figures, all shorter and skinnier than the one scruffing her like a kitten, but still leanly muscled and all carrying weapons (oh god, one of them had swords nope nope nope nope nope) and… shelled? Shelled bodies all wrapped in black bandages like warriors or prize-fighters. The blue-masked one with red face stripes gave her a bemused smirk; the purple one lifted an eyebrow (wait, why did he have eyebrows, let alone on his mask?!); and the orange one glared daggers at her, arms folded harshly across his chest.

For some reason, her mind (or well, the part of her mind that wasn’t busy screaming like a distressed Chihuahua) immediately flitted to, Kappa? Wait, no, those are just stories. And they don’t have those water-dishes on their heads, I don’t think. Mutants then? Turtles? Are they Swaggart’s guards or sous chefs or something?

The blue one chuckled again. Ah, he was the one who’d startled her just now. “Like I was saying, if you’re gonna break into a building, maaaybe cut down on the ASMR so you don’t give yourself away? Just a thought?”

Did he just wink at her?! After calling her out—wait, no, she fought the annoyance and panic down, she did not have time for this!

“L-let me go!” Kotori brandished the frying pan, both hands death-gripping the handle and arms locked stick straight and shaking. Ever her shouting was a little dampened, clearly not used to raising her voice. “I-if you’re working for Swaggart, th-then… then…!”

… Well, then was a good question. Probably involving a few lucky whacks and then running away, hopefully into the building, but they didn’t need to know that.

Red, Blue, and Purple all exchanged bemused looks and snickers, while Orange’s frown deepened.

“I’ll take that!” Orange said primly, plucking the frying pan from her grasp like picking a daisy. He nuzzled the pan against his cheek like a rescued baby as the suspect hung there in wide-eyed shock. “Don’t worry, gorgeous… From here on the only crimes you’re committing are making sinfully delicious pan pizza and giant chocolate chip cookies! Mm!”

Kotori was a split second away from drooling at the image before remembering she needed to be scared—angry. Definitely angry, absolutely no need to be scared.

“G-give that back!” She flailed in the air, swiping and kicking at the pan as the red one inched her just slightly more out of reach. “That’s my mom’s—I-I mean mine!”

Orange gasped like a church matron, one hand flying to his chest. “You’re using your mother’s good cast iron to break into buildings?!” He wagged one big green finger at her. “Shame on you! What would she say if she could see you—”

Kotori’s finger flung towards the window. “She can lecture me after I make sure she’s safe, you jerk!”

All five sets of eyes snapped open wide, and Kotori’s hands flew to clamp over her masked mouth. Crap… They’d caught her and now they knew who her family was. Now they could use her to hurt her mom or use her mom to hurt her and there was nothing she could do and all she’d done was make it worse—

The turtles swapped horrified, guilty glances at rapid speed. The furrow in Red’s brow deepened as he slowly lowered the poor girl, waiting a second to make sure she’d actually stand instead of dropping to her knees before releasing his grip.

“Here. And uh…” The giant poked his fingers together sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”

“I…” Kotori stared for a long moment. He was… apologizing? “O-okay…?”

The blue one sighed. “Let’s… take this from the top.” That smirk returned as he took a single step forward, but… it was softer somehow, placing a hand on his chest like he was going to sweep into a bow any second. “Hi. Leo.” He pointed his thumb at the others in turn. “The one who just manhandled you is Raph…”

“What?!” Raph sputtered, the blush surging from under his mask to stain the rest of his head just as red. “Why—Leo, why you gotta phrase it like that?!” He spun back towards the innocent lady, massive hands clapping together to beg. “Raph is so sorry; he swears he only manhandles brothers, villains, and really stubborn animals who don’t realize they need rescuing!”

Leo just kept grinning as Kotori blinked back in shock, thankful that her get-up hid all of her own blush. Manhandle, really?!

“The one silently judging you is Donnie…”

“Ah, yes, pleasure to meet you, Miss McClane.” A faint smirk flashed on his face as his brothers bit down snickers at the joke, although it faded with an eye roll when Kotori failed to respond beyond a stunned blink and nod. Either too nervous or not cultured enough, clearly. (Or both.)

“Aaand the frying pan klepto is Mikey. Sorry for mistaking you for a baby thief.”

Mikey huffed at the accusation… but shyly shrugged and looked away as he presented her the pan.

“Sorry…” he mumbled through pursed lips.

“I…” She dumbly reached out and gently took it back with a nod of a bow. “Th-thank you…?” Wait. Right. Introductions. Deep breath, quick. “Um… K-Kotori. My name’s Kotori. I… my mom is Megumi. She’s-she’s one of the chefs in there—”

Mikey gasped again, but this time his eyes sparkled. “Wait, I know you!”

Kotori’s eyes widened. “You-you do?”

“Yeah!” And before Kotori could blink, the turtle clung to her like an octopus, grinning at his brothers. “Megumi talks about her daughter all the time on her show, she calls her her little bird and tells all sorts of stories, it’s so cuuute~! Kinda pictured you younger, but it’s still great to meet you!”

Kotori’s free hand… slowly rose… and the second Mikey finished talking, she yanked her hood tight over her face.

“People pay attention to that…?” she squeaked. Sure, yes, the homey cozy vibe was the centerpiece of the show, and family stories helped sell that, but like… there was the food! And okay, fine, she’d admit her mom looking like a Japanese Giada de Laurentiis was a big draw too… But the food! She was hoping people would gloss over the mentions of her, like the stories at the top of recipe websites so they show up more easily in search results. Oh god, what if people started recognizing her on the street and asking her for autographs and pictures or bugging her for social media information—

“Well, yeah!” Mikey released the hug, still smiling sweetly. “Your mom’s a great cook, and it’s clear she loves you tons!”

Oh. Instead of making her curl up more (Donnie honestly expected to get some data on whether it was possible to actually die of embarrassment, alas), she relaxed ever so slightly, eyes shining behind her bangs as she pulled the hood up a little more.

“Th-thank you… I’m… really proud of her…” It was true. Even if the shooting schedule cut into their time together… her mom working so hard to bring some peace and comfort to the city, to raise money tonight to help those whose lives were turned upside-down… it was amazing to watch. Worth a little loneliness… She took a deep breath through her nose before the lump in her throat could grow too big. “That’s… why I need to save her…”

“Yyyeah, teeny tiny little question on that front, if you don’t mind…” Donnie drawled, before gesturing to all of her. “How?”

“Ah, w-well…” Kotori rubbed the back of her hooded neck with one hand. “I was… going to sneak in, find my mom and maybe the other chefs, sneak out…?”

The turtles just… stared at her for a good long second.

“You’re just going to… waltz in there and cross your fingers that the mutant chef with the ability to steal other mutants’ powers doesn’t notice you un-kidnapping his hostages…?” Donnie asked, skeptical brow quirking even higher.

Raph shrugged. “Welp, we’ve had worse plans!” He grinned at her, massive hands eagerly bunching into fists. “Maybe she’s got some super awesome mutant powers, like going invisible or super strength—”

“Um…” Kotori’s quiet voice cut him off. “N-no, I’m… I’m still human…”

And no offense to them, but she hoped to keep it that way. No one really knew how mutations happened- only that it likely wasn’t viral, plus a rumor or two of bug bites- but the idea of turning into something that couldn’t eat, couldn’t breathe air, couldn’t think… it paralyzed her almost as much as the thought of using a knife. Stealth and the autumn chill weren’t the only reasons she’d covered every spare inch of skin.

“And we’ve already ruled out mystic powers…” Donnie reminded them all.

“No—wait, what?” Kotori searched their faces frantically for some sign of sarcasm- well, more sarcasm from the purple one- but… “… Okay, sure…” She pinched the bridge of her nose, swiftly and firmly throwing that in the “unpack later” corner before her brain broke for the third or fourth time this year. “First aliens, now magic… Why not…?”

Mikey gasped with delight. “Omigosh…” He pointed at her frying pan. “Maybe you can challenge him to a chef showdown for you mom’s freedom—”

“What, no!” Kotori shook her head furiously. “Absolutely not! Even if— …” Even if she had tried to make anything more complicated than instant ramen since The Knife Incident… Even if she tried to be brave instead of just desperate… Her hands clenched, anything to keep them from shaking. “H-he’s a trained chef with years of experience! I’m just… Th-there’s no way I could win!”

Leo pursed his lips as he draped an arm over Mikey’s head. “Hate to break it to you, babe, but if you go in there, the only bacon getting fried is yours—”

“I know!” The shout that tore from her throat startled her almost as much as it startled them. “I-I know I’m not cut out for this…! But it’s my mother…! I-I don’t know what else to do…! I don’t have anyone else—…”

Her breath hitched before she could finish. She didn’t have anyone else she could ask for help. … She didn’t have anyone else period. The thought pierced her heart and lungs like a knife, sharp and stinging and shoving out every molecule of air. Shinobu and her family gone to California to get away from the danger, and Kotori too shy to make any other friends. Her father… she didn’t even know if he was still alive after the alien attack… She didn’t even have faith that she’d wake up or go to bed human anymore, that something monstrous and powerful wouldn’t descend on the city and raze or swallow every building, every person…

Her mother… If she lost her tonight, she’d have nothing…

She scrubbed at her eyes with a forearm, hot tears staining her mask. And here she was, having a meltdown in front of complete strangers who probably couldn’t care less, probably one more sign that she was too weak in their eyes. They were right, she knew they were… but…

“I-I don’t have time for this…!” she whispered, not daring to see that judgment herself. She wound up for a strike of the frying pan, not caring how she aimed it—

“Hey.”

The rough voice was unbelievably soft, like tumble-smoothed gravel. The massive hand grabbed the pan’s body and halted her swing as gently as holding a doll. Only now did she dare look up at him and…

“It’s okay. We get it.”

More tears poured down as Kotori stared right back into those eyes. God, the sorrow on his face was so heavy. (How did it only click now, how much he looked and acted like her father…?) Her gaze darted around the others… Not a hint of a smile remained on Leo’s face, eyes just as dark. Donnie looked away from the whole scene, arms crossed over his chest, fingers clutching his arms tightly. Mikey sniffed, even as he tried to give her a kind smile, tears overflowing the dam of his mask. What the hell had they been through?

“You… you do, don’t you?” She wiped at her eyes more, a watery chuckle bubbling out. “S-sorry… I’m being… kinda stupid, aren’t I…?”

“Eh, I’d say about a 4.25 on a 1 to 10 scale,” Donnie said, the barest hint of a smirk in his voice.

“Donald!” Mikey crossed his arms and pouted at his brother.

“What? It’s still on the scale, and the bottom half at that! Nardo still holds the record at 57!”

Leo chuckled, rolling his eyes before giving the girl a soft smirk. “Nothing wrong with being a little stupid. Just gotta be smart about it.” He held out his hand. “And it always helps to have backup either way. Let’s go save your mom.”

Kotori’s eyes shone, hand gingerly rising—

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold on!” Raph air-pushed the two apart before they could shake hands, throwing a massive arm over his brother’s shoulders to pull him away. “Leo,” he stage-whispered, “did we not just establish that the cute, sweet, completely ordinary human girl is underqualified for taking on a hostile mutant…? And you wanna bring her along anyway…?!”

Kotori stared flatly, deciding it wasn’t worth it to point out that she could still hear him.

“And what, dear brother,” Leo asked, not even bothering to whisper, “do you think we should do with the cute girl?”

Raph snorted, hoping the mask hid most of his blush. He was in for a razzing once this mission was over, he knew it…

“Simple! Raph thinks we should take her across the street, sit her down at the nearest coffee shop,” complete with the chibi Raph in his head giving chibi Kotori a cup of cocoa and a few soft pats on the head before rushing back to save the day like a boss, “and then bring her mom to her once we’re done kicking Meat Sweats’ butt!”

“Yyyeah, one: not enough time,” Leo said, holding up a big green finger. “And two…” He turned to the girl with a dry, flat look on his face. “Show of hands, who genuinely believes this girl, who beat us here, armed with nothing but a frying pan, is gonna sit still while we’re rescuing her mom?”

The brothers exchanged glances… and then Raph and Mikey gave “yeah, fair” nods. Donnie crouched down and touched the fire escape platform.

Leo turned back to Kotori with a smirk and a “see?” wave of his hand.

“Y-yeah…” She nodded, burning red under her mask. “Yeah, that’s fair…”

Leo shrugged. “This way, we keep an eye on her and she gets to help. Win-win. Besides…” He cupped his chin. “Meat Sweats is probably expecting us… but he’s definitely not going to be expecting her.”

Raph… sighed. Leo had good points. (And he had to admit, it was a small relief that his little brother was thinking this through, taking it seriously). He leveled his most serious face at the girl.

“You stay next to us, you listen to our instructions to the letter, and absolutely no trying to save the day all by yourself. Got it?”

Kotori gulped. “Y-yes, sir…?”

Raph blinked, not sure whether to chuckle or apologize for being too harsh. At least she was taking this seriously too.

Leo hummed, looking Kotori up and down. “You know… the bike courier get-up gives me an idea… How good’s your acting, Ko?”

Ko? Acting?

“… Oh god…”